The way things are going, it be better if you put a gun to my heart and blow it out...sigh

I am not sad...or upset. I must accept! Deep breathes!

'Human"

I would give my life to be human....



Wow it's already April..and soon MAY! Little has changed...but mentally I've been riding on a carousel. I've been going in a circle and slowly...watching the people around me fade in and out. Is it a bad thing....not really. At the end of the day...it is like people say - "At least you gave it your all, there is nothing more you can do." Now that I am on the other side of things...I now understand that statement in all of its entirety. Every experience is a lesson learned...and so I will continue to learn. I can not change the past...I can only reflect.

Listening to the radio on a late drive home, a caller was pouring her heart out to the radio host about her childhood lover and how he was cheating...blah blah blah. And of course it was typical he would promise not to cheat again and that he'd do anything to stay in the relationship. Then she said "I don't know if he can change." The host replies, "Yes, yes he can, but does he want to?" DING DING DING! That statement made me realize a thing or two about my relations. And then it gave me some closer. Lets see what time will bring....

Swallow

I feel myself sinking into the great quicksand of blah!!!! Someone throw me a rope! Gonna organize and clean my life...starting with my room! The freakin walls are caving in and the days merge into night. I need space!!!! Since I can't go out and get my own... I must work with what I have! Clean room, clean up my life...and clean out my head!!!! -_-

Insomnia

It's very late in the night...I am thinking about everything and nothing in particular. Sound familiar to anyone? Besides having no luck with Jon hunting, my coworker asked me how it was going today. He gave me some great advice... "pray on it! And if nothing comes along then it was meant to be that way and it's just another opportunity for you to pursue something else!" lol this made me smile because it's very true. I do believe God has a plan for us all, we just need to be patient. I think I am going to take a step back and be grateful of my current situation instead of planting time bombs in my head. God will take care of me as he always have in the past! :)

OMG! Onto other news...the only thing that is keeping me sane anyhow! My annual memorial holiday beach trip is in full effect! I am so excited! I can not wait to arrive in Destin and just kick back! The sound of the waves, blistering heat w/the sun, beautiful views of the ocean! AHHH! It is much. Deserved for all of my companions of the trip! :) yippee! Gotta get my body right...I won't be have a beach body but at least I will be proud of myself for doing something! :D very very excited!

Ok, gotta hit the sack now. Think I will try to get into the routine of writing everyday...even if its just rambling...at least my thoughts won't be trapped inside! Gnight

SING IT DIVA!

Florence + The Machine - Never Let Me Go [Full Song]

thinking cap....

I haven't written a blog for the new year yet...and tonight I finally have something to say...or well some thought I wanted to write about before I head to bed!

Personal Life:
I've graduated and things aren't moving as fast as I'd hoped. Although I've submitted MANY job applications...not luck! I know I just have to keep trying and pray that I will get lucky one day to get a call back! My current job is steady but there is a lot of BS that goes around the company that I am quite fed up with! Sure sure...that's any job but it is really time to pack my things and get the hell out of there!!!! Other than that...I am good.

Love:
My love is still by my side and as the days pass by, our love gets stronger and stronger. It's no means perfect but good enough for me! :D I still wake up sometimes wondering how I got so lucky to have such an amazing person to call my lover. He completes me...and assures me that I too complete him! We have much to work on but at least we have one another for this journey! Who knows what the future has in store for us!!!!

Friends:
It's been kinda stormy. I don't have many friends but the ones I do have are very important to me. I work very hard at my relationships and most of the time it is a mutual understanding relationship. Unfortunately for one...it's been a battle. The sad part is....I don't believe the conflict has to do with me. I believe the drama stems from deeper problems that one may have deep down inside and sometimes I get caught in the cross fire. Therefore, it is really nothing I can do. I have tried my best to be a good friend but when the relationship becomes abusive....I will reach my breaking point. I pray it will get better...but the odds don't look too good. I refuse to be someone's punching bag! I hope God will bless my friend with the courage to face her demons and ultimately over come them!

to be cont.....