dear old friend...patience

As I reflect on this year...a lot has happened....and look at the time, it's already June. Man oh man, where does the time go? I've graduated, no job! I mean I have a paying job but no career as a friend likes to put it. Sigh. Still holding onto the hope that my time will come. I am quite tired of working my body into the ground! I can not deal with the "labor," my poor body is breaking down!!! I am becoming an old bag of bones! lol

I still job hunt here and there. Some days I feel driven, other days it's just flat out depressing!!! No matter what, I do have faith. I will give it til the end of the year, if nothing changes...it's looks like I will have to make a life change! Not getting any younger for sure!!! The real world is "scary" hahaa

Recently enjoyed my Destin Memorial vacation! Man, why did we all have to leave! It was so bittersweet!!! Even though we had 2 full days, it just wasn't enough! I am still sad that I am back in this miserable place! I know, Baton Rouge isn't that bad but dammit...I want to go back! haaahhhaaa Hopefully I can squeeze in one more trip but who knows. After graduating, it's kind of hard to schedule things ahead of time.

I am finally working the morning shift hours! It's not so bad since I have the afternoon to enjoy, but lately I've been sleeping my life away. FAIL! haha I don't know what it is anymore, my body just doesn't respond the same way. I really need to get my life together!!!! >_< Well my life and my health!!! Definitely need to draw up a short term goal/plan for myself. Need to make a to-do list for 2012. lol Yea, we'll see how that goes.

Ant and I are doing well. I love that kid, he is my life. Although we have our moments, it keeps me on my toes. It definitely reminds me to not be too comfortable and complacent because that's when you start slipping and "letting go" of yourself! It is a joy to be challenged and work towards a common goal with Anthony. Don't get me wrong...there are some days when I'm just dead weight. haha Thank goodness I have someone who appreciates me on a good day and loves me even when it's bad! :D Counting my blessings! ^_^

now for some free style:

Patience
Some days I have plenty
Other days I fall short
Lately, I've been caught in between
It would be easier to wash my hands clean
But these mixed signals cause me to linger
Hoping for recognition, or even just a little attention
It's hard
It's even harder to know I'm pushed a side
Am I suppose to wait
Am I suppose to leave
What would make you happiest
What would make you complete
I am human, just like everyone else here in the crowd
Somehow, hugs became tears
Laughter is now replaced with silence
Oh, and this silence it rings so loud in my ears
My heart it breaks
It slowly crumbles as the days pass
I know I should forget,
But it's hard to forget someone that was so dear
The time and dedication
Some how only took seconds to go up in flames
Should I have a funeral
Bury these feelings
Should I have a party to celebrate
Caught in the middle
A casualty of war
I think soon it will be time
Time to throw in the towel
I never stop fighting
But out of respect I must abide
It is not just you that is hurting
I've too felt the burn of the fire
Please just let me know what it is you want
So that I can dig up some courage
The courage that is needed
to have Patience
For someone that perhaps
Will never come back

A Thousand Years -

Christina Perri - A thousand years...



This song pretty much sums it up!
It's the way he makes my heart beat faster,
the smiles summoned from the butterflies in my stomach,
and the security I feel in his arms.
In my wildest dreams, I've never imagined I'd be this blessed in life...in love.
What started as a heart break... became an opportunity.
I will never regret us.
All the beauty he has brought to my life...leaves me speechless.
I know I have God to thank.
Today is a good day, tomorrow will be a good day.
The rest of my life will be filled with good days because I have you,
my best friend, my lover, and my home.

Standing firm

May started off quite busy! Working most of the time but the past two weekends have been fun. Bumping into old faces. It's nice vein around people from time to time to socialize and share details. I am most excited about the end of May!!! Eeep!!! I will be able to get away w/Ant for a few days w/close family and friends! I am very excited about the group that's coming this year!!! I will get to travel w/drama free people!!!! YAY!!!!

This is really the only thing I have to look forward to all year...simply because it's the only trip Ant and I get to go..together! What can I say, my baby's a hard working man! Lol I don't know if I'll go again next year so it's pretty special for me this year! Ahhhh!!!! It's almost here!!! I think everyone that is coming really needs this vacay! We got a beautiful townhouse...2.5 weeks baby! I can almost hear the waves!

Tired...

Yup. That pretty much sums it up. I am sure the roles have flipped flopped but I am...tired! In confidence I can say I've tried then, and I am trying now but I get it now. I get that it's dead and done. I can respect it. I will respect it. What's the point of putting yourself out there for someone who will not pay you any mind!?!? :( still a bit sad over everything but I can do no more... Because apparently nothing will be good enough! I know everything will be alright over time. I Just hope it won't become a tug-a-war effect on mutual friends. If so, I believe I will lose my sanity! Well, tomorrow is Monday so it's back to the grind!

The way things are going, it be better if you put a gun to my heart and blow it out...sigh

I am not sad...or upset. I must accept! Deep breathes!

'Human"

I would give my life to be human....



Wow it's already April..and soon MAY! Little has changed...but mentally I've been riding on a carousel. I've been going in a circle and slowly...watching the people around me fade in and out. Is it a bad thing....not really. At the end of the day...it is like people say - "At least you gave it your all, there is nothing more you can do." Now that I am on the other side of things...I now understand that statement in all of its entirety. Every experience is a lesson learned...and so I will continue to learn. I can not change the past...I can only reflect.

Listening to the radio on a late drive home, a caller was pouring her heart out to the radio host about her childhood lover and how he was cheating...blah blah blah. And of course it was typical he would promise not to cheat again and that he'd do anything to stay in the relationship. Then she said "I don't know if he can change." The host replies, "Yes, yes he can, but does he want to?" DING DING DING! That statement made me realize a thing or two about my relations. And then it gave me some closer. Lets see what time will bring....