boo to this semester...

You think after all these years in school I'd get use to the pressure of a hard class every once in a while. HELL NO! I don't know if I got sick from this weekend with all the heat and body funk going around in the club or that I got so stressed out from school that I feel like poop. Either way, I feel like CRAP! My sinuses have flared up, chest congestion, runny nose...bleh...I am just down with the sickness right now. I don't have the flu but physically and mentally I am so tired and stressed...and yes, it's only the second week of school. *sigh* So yea, I am about to skip my first class. I have this HUGE BREAK (2hrs) so I think I am gonna take a sick day. Am I happy about it...no not really cause I feel disappointed in myself, but my body is begging me to get the hell out of here. 2 more days til Sat. I don't think I've counted weekdays so closely before til this semester. If I make it out alive...the hard part will be over...seriously...this is the ONE CORE CLASS all majors cringe about in my department. So yea, I'm trying  to be strong and persevere but some days, like today...I just don't have the strength. Like who makes you show proof of having a book just to turn something in! 2 case readings for the weekend, on top of other assignments. Goodbye weekend, goodbye insanity. I'll see you guys in the spring. :'( I know it's too late to rethink my major, but the insecurities are setting in...

Adele - Daydreamer (Live)

Proud of myself...

What could be so significant that I would want to post about it? I am proud of myself for the simple fact that I have been able to let go of some people in my life. I don't believe many people realize how big of an impact they have in my life, so when they want to walk out and I am not ready...it is very difficult for me! Sound childish? It is, and for the longest time I would mourn the death of a friend or someone close to me after I felt abandoned. FINALLY, I am learning and loving this feeling of overcoming the fears and feelings...to accept the simple fact that it's not something that I didn't do, but it is something outside of me. Larger than me. It's an individual's need and desire to explore their options. I was always so stubborn...suffocating! But now, when I hear certain names I no longer get a strong surge of hatred. I can simply shrug my shoulders and just be "ok." It's a very happy feeling. It's one more thing I am at peace with! YES, I am so proud! :)

finally....

Finally...I can let you go and it feels ok.
I can say I have come to terms, we just weren't meant.
This relationship died long ago, yet I was too blind...too stubborn.
I pushed and pulled, I screamed and begged.
Nothing was good enough, you were already gone.
But now a days, I no longer feel haunted by your ghost.
When I see you, a simple hello feels right.
No more bickering, no more animosity.
I am now stronger.
Strong enough to walk outside of your shadow.
Strong enough to walk away from the games.
Strong enough to hold back the tears.
Now a days, I smile.
Finally, I am ok.

(Sound's alil off...)

I'm so RICH!

OMG, I am one of the LUCKIEST girls alive! I am so blessed and loved! In my life I've had many struggles, everyone has their own story. As I take a moment to reflect on past and current events, I can't help but to feel joy in a time that my heart has not been feeling so happy. Tonight, I really didn't want to go out but for my older sister I did. I was accompanied by two great girlfriends! (one missing in action b/c she needs to save her energy to be a "groupie" for next weekend! LMAO!) Anyhow, by the end of the night, despite the feelings and emotional exhaustion I've been going through...I felt at ease. A little "normal" again, after seeing everyone's face. I don't know what it is, just being around my family, girls, and lover just gives me that sense of hope that everything will be ok in the end. I just need to persevere. Suck it up and keep going. I sympathize for those who do not believe in friendship. Regardless it is between family, friends, or a significant other. It's such a essential component in my life, these friendships have kept me going and pick me up when I am lost or lonely and cheer me on when I have something good going on for myself. I've met plenty of bad people, but for those who have stuck with me...THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I've learn so much. Perhaps the most important thing is to EXPECT LESS! Why expect less? Because...it is humbling and it makes the rewards much GREATER!!! If you know me, I bring a lot to the table. And every once in a while, I get out of hand. Crazy almost. hahaha I drive myself crazy because I begin to "expect" things out of my friendships when it's as easy to just "ASK" for what I need instead of "expecting" them to read my mind. I hate for any of the relationships I have to constantly feel that I am impossible to please...which I can be. I've read in a post once that b/c of my zodiac sign with the combination of my asian zodiac...I have an eye for detail...like it is easy for me to pickup on what those around me like...therefore making it very easy to bring a smile on their face by simply paying attention. Not so much for others. It took me a long time to accept this and really taking into consideration that I need to give those around me a break because I am usually reserved. Yes, I am LOUD and off the wall when you meet me but in reality I am an individual that can be quite hard to read because I do not like to give off "emotion." Almost...cold as ice. My vocab consist of very harsh words and statements most of the time or laughter. hahaha I'm no means perfect and have a long way to go before I can find a happy medium between how I feel and needing to express them,but I am hopeful  because the important people in my life deserve a great friend and not some half ass person. Thank you and good night! Check out Jo Jo...she's got some good songs on youtube! ^_^ Love that pint size girl...she has so much soul when she sings! :-D
"You are my LOVE, my LOVE. I'll give you all my LOVE, if you, if you don't ever change a thing!" :-D

Officially Missing You - Tamia (Acoustic Cover) *Only available in HIGH ...

This is one of my ole time favorites! :-) Lovin' her voice!

Sweet Dreams - Beyonce (Piano Acoustic Cover)

OMG....faint! Her voice is amazing!!! It's just...so beautiful. Angelic! Makes me feel at ease...