Happy Anni Anh!

WOw...WOWiE..WOW...WOW! NăM, FiVe, CinCo, CinQ, 五....

My heart sprouted wings and fluttered around in my chest. It's an indescribable feeling, a feeling many of us share,but can never explain. It's the spring in my step, it's in the air that I breath. It's your Love that I have been living on for the last five years. Today we celebrate another year! When I met you, I was 21. Now I am 26! it's so "CRAY CRAY" haha When you are having fun, time really does FLY! As we get older, we love deeper. We try not to say things we don't mean out of anger and learn that "change" is not losing oneself, but bettering oneself.We truly are the lucky ones. Thank you father for sending me someone so kind, patient, firm, considerate,and loving. I look forward to this day again...and again...and again. Hooray to us Anthony. I love you with all my heart and I hope that we will always be there next to one another on this journey. You are my best friend, my lover, and my family. I LOVE YOU!!!

October 2007 

(our first photo together)

haha oh the memories!!!

November 2012

(our most recent photo)

Relationships

People come and people go...you can't hold to them forever. I find myself constantly learning things that I should have learned a long time ago. Maybe I have been in denial...wishing for something that I knew in the end would never be. What are relationships if they are always a one way stream? What people fail to realize is that in today's world, your reputation and perception goes a long way. So please I beg of human kind to come about your own judgment and not by a bias interpretation of someone's personality. It is hard enough to find genuine people, but for their image to be tarnish b/c someone may not have had a positive encounter...it break my heart because often times it happens to me.  By no means am I perfect but I know I have a good heart. Please don take that away from me! You can not like me, that is fine but please don't  tarnish my heart.

It is apparent the dinamics of my relationships have changed...but it sucks I wasn't given the opportunity to redeem myself. My feelings were really hurt tonight. There's not much Anyone can understand unless they really know me. Yes, I have a hard head and. Soft ass. It does hurt when I fall on it. ...sigh, relationships is a hard thing for me...

Secrets

Beethoven's 5 Secrets - OneRepublic (Cello/Orchestral Cover) - ThePianoGuys



Now this is AWESOME!!! :) And brings a smile to my face....calms my nerves. It's been stressful lately at my new job. It's not so much the work but getting use to working with new people. I thought it was bad where I use to work but it wasn't at all cause I got use to it. With a new job, meeting new people was exciting but over the past few weeks I am getting to know these individuals more and sometimes...and often I receive unkind words. On a regular basis this would not bother me, but I am trying my best to be "nice" and approach my coworkers with a different attitude. I just need to be patient with myself I guess. Wish me luck everyone...I've got a long way to go. I am giving myself 6 months to test the waters and if there is not much growth in my department...I may have to think up plan B! I will not allow myself to become complacent but continue to push myself each day to learn a little something new. I will not allow myself to lose to someone simply because I did not "know"... I will FIGHT!!!

So grateful

I love us. I love you. I love who I am when I am with you. I love your patient heart. I love your goofy sense of humor. I love how you are always considerate. I love that you listen and not just hear me. I love you best friend.

Yes, I really could go on and on....but I won't. I've been off for about a week now, cleaning and trying to organize my life. With this free time, I was blessed with the opportunity to appreciate even more all the love my boyfriend shares with me. I don't quite know how to explain it, but when I think of him it makes my heart flutter....just like the first time I "accidentally" said I love you. haha I know what we have is one of a kind...and yes, yes you are right....I am very lucky! I hope everyone has the opportunity to find a one of a kind love...or at least get to experience it...it can really change your life!

learning to live by this and be ok!
i don't understand why it is so hard for me to understand,
but i am learning.
i know that one day,
i will wake up and not feel a sadness,
but a happiness.
An acceptance!

Wisdom

Last Friday was quite bittersweet! It was my last day at my previous job. I won't miss the work but I sure will miss the people. Oh the stories, can't believe it's been almost 5 years there. Now to look forward to another job that I hope will give me 5+ years. Fingers crossed.

And of course I had to do some celebrating w/some good friends. Idk, the dynamic of my relationships have changed a lot in the last year. I had a very enlightening conversation w/a friend and it had my gears turning ever since. Perhaps what she was saying were valid points I've been avoiding. I am still learning, still shedding, and hoping to become a better me. This change is for me, but it is also for the important individuals around me. And hopefully it will lead me to meet new people and find new relationships. My friend told me she has different groups of friends that serve different purposes. That is how she keeps her relationships healthy by not relying on just one group of people. To not put all your chips in one pot. Lol I forgot the saying but yea...u get it.

In my life, for most of my grown up years...surviving is not the most difficult task for me. I would have to be true to myself and say friendships and maintaining them is my number one challenge. Perhaps it will always be that way and I will never figure it out. Who knows. Whatever the case, I am learning how to cope...to be patient...and to be at peace. And also forgiveness. Yes, forgiveness in others and forgiveness for myself.

A little break

Today I had a terrible toothache so I called in and took a day off! It was much needed! The weekends are nice but there's usually a lot going on that I don't have much time to myself. Plus the next 2 weekends are going to be busy busy since its my baby sister's big 25! Haha I am kinda excited because it's an excuse to get all dolled up and go be social. It's gonna be tiring but I gotta make sure she has a great birthday! :) a big sister's work is never done! Glad I only have one to look after!

It's June, and in a few days it will be July! Wow is the time passing. I can not lie, ready to get the year over with because it will mean I survived another year! Haha I will be making an exciting transition soon! I am a little fearful of what's to come but at this point I am pretty desperate for some change! Gotta jump in with both feet and hope for the best! Fingers crossed!

Lately my emotions have been on a roller coaster! I know it's something I need to pray about to find peace!!! Somedays I can handle it and other days I want to run and hide!!! Maybe it's just that TOM But we see! My hormones are always running wild! Haha got my head all screwed up too! Women and our emotions! Smh!

I want to take a trip and the end of July but where!? I figure dallas cause its far but close enough to go w/a small group! Gotta figure out my plans ASAP since it will soon approach! -_- I wish everything was free or we all we rich! Haha I know, in my dreams right!?!?

Realization:
The present can never return to the past. Relationships grow apart or they grow closer. Sometimes it is not what you didn't do but what you can do if given the opportunity. If the opportunity is never given, then pray for peace and acceptance. Be happy about the growth and embrace it instead of taking it as rejection. The world will not end and your heart will heal. Let time be your friend and silence be your serenity. Breathe!